Eye Drops: Lil Mama – “G-Slide/Tour Bus”

Excuse the long absence boys and girls. Summer vacation was in effect under the bridge and we decided to take some time off for a little fun in the sun. We start to get a little pasty if we spend all year trapped down here. But now playtime is over. No more late nights and lazy days. It’s time to start setting the clock and sharping pencils cause school is back in session.

Now that the bell has rung and everyone has taken their seat, who better to do the morning announcements on this first day back but princess of the lunch room Lil’ Mama. She already upgraded your lip gloss and now she’s blowin pixie dust on yellow buses to make sure the student body is riding pretty. You all know the words, so don’t be scared to sing along when the melody turns “Wheels On the Bus”. She’s obviously no dummy so Lil Mama doesn’t have a problem with class. Don’t play her for a teachers pet softy though. The evil synth verses propping up the nursery rhyme chorus prove she’ll wait for you in parking lot if you want beef. Picture the purple limo this girl’s bringing to the prom.

Lil’ Mama: “G-Slide/Tour Bus”

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Eye Drops: Walk It Out Fosse

Gwen Verdon deserves another Tony for hot stepping like this. Fosse choreography is classic to the bone and there’s not music worth hearing that wouldn’t benefit from jazz hands. DJ Unk thought he was on some new shit when he started walkin it out. Little did he know he was following in the footsteps of two greats.

Eye Drops: TheSaurus & Illmaculate

2006 Scribble Jam winner and all around fire sparker TheSaurus spits cinders off the dome over and over in this clip. There’s no question my man is distinquished and I’d hazard the rent on him in cipher. He’s one of those Back to the Future MCs. The kind of dude who returns a serve before it crosses the net. Like he’s heard this before.  This is him and his slighlty shorter but nearly as brisk partner Illmaculate taking down the last American crew on their way to the World Rap Championship finals. I bet TheSaurus can wake up fast enough to see himself sleeping.

TheSaurus & Illmaculate vs. Madd Illz & Parable

Eye Drops: “White Chicks and Gang Signs”

Coming soon: The white girl suicide bomber.

Eye Drops: Esmee Denters

 

I’d suggest you head for high ground now if you don’t want to get swept up in the Esmee Denters tsunami. Serious rumblings have already started on the web and when you feel the Earth  shake like this you know a giant wave is about to break. Another example of how the internet is speeding up Warhol’s 15 minutes of fame for all theory, she got her start posting covers of other artist’s songs on youtube. A few hundred thousand worldwide views later and she popped up on Justin Timberlake’s radar, where he promptly signed her to his new label Tennman Records. She’s from the Netherlands but she’s perfectly fluent in soul so I bet the sound translates in any language. 

“What Goes Around” (Justin Timberlake cover- JT on piano and backup vocals)

“Irreplaceable” (Beyonce cover)

“How Come You Don’t Call Me?” (Alicia Keys cover)

“Just Friends” (Musiq Soulchild cover)

Eye Drops: Dan Deacon – “Crystal Cat”

 

Occasionally I’m accused of liking things just because they’re strange. Occasionally I watch a video like Dan Deacon’s “Crystal Cat” and think that my critics might be on to something. Thankfully by the time I’m done shooting up freak-junk and losening the belt tied around my mind’s arm, I’m so high off conceit that I forget about the haters and nod off into the land of self importance. Call it smug smack.

Deacon’s music is the sound of your entire toychest being dumped upside down on the playroom floor. You’ve got a gallon of syrupy kool-aid and absolutely no intention of cleaning up after yourself. Sure you have a mild headache when its all over but fun like this is worth it.

Dan Deacon – “Crystal Cat”

Eye Drops: Robyn – “Konichiwa Bitches”

Pop music is direct. It hits you and you’re moved, either to the dance floor or tears, before you have a chance to think about why. My favorite Swedish pop princess, Robyn, knows this is the secret to success and has taken the idea right to the edge of reason with her video for “Konichiwa Bitches”. Decked out in costumes that could have been lifted directly from Pee Wee’s Playhouse, it’s like a Saturday morning kids show designed to teach the child in all of us how to have fun again. Everybody needs a little reeducation on the subject at times and she’s kind enough to display the lyrics, follow the bouncing ball style, to make sure we get the lesson. Study up, then hit the town tonight and show everyone what you’ve learned.

Robyn – “Konichiwa Bitches”

Eye Drops: Kavinsky – “Testarossa Autodrive”

Kavinsky makes music like an ’80’s car chase scene- frantically synthetic. This video is apparently based on a real car crash he suffered back in ’86 and he must still hear those sirens in his sleep because you can hear them in the song. There’s a Knight Rider by way of Frank Miler feel to the video, in keeping with the conventions of the decade. This is the most dramtic 2 mintues of animation I’ve seen since I watched Prince Charming nearly off Shrek at the movies last weekend.

Eye Drops: Fujiya & Miyagi – “Ankle Injuries”

Fujiya & Miyagi take a chance rolling the dice in this video and the rest of us get lucky. An obvious step child of “Fell In With A Girl”, this take on their song “Ankle Injuries” shows us that fruit doesn’t have to fall far from the tree to still taste sweet. This delicious mango dropped from a tree of dice and when it hit the ground it burst into a highly imaginative, though undoubtedly tedious to create, concept. Take a huge bite, but make sure to wipe off the creative juices it leaves running down your chin.

Fujiya & Miyagi – “Ankle Injuries”